Friday, November 25, 2011
Everywhere I turned there were mobs of vicious grandmas plundering mass quantities of overpriced trinkets on sale. A torrent of mothers nearly knocked me over as they barreled past to snatch the last disc of Battlefield 3. When I heard the voice over the loudspeaker announce a flash sale on televisions, it suddenly dawned on me. I was in the path. Quickly dodging behind an underwear clad mannequin, I poised for the hurricane. Loud, indiscernible shouts rang out as I peered out from behind my plastic fortress to see several groups of pillagers stampede past. It was a close call, but I survived. What a thrill it is to begin the Season of Joy at Wal-Mart. Peace to all who survive.