The Gasping Heart

I heard when you said you liked my new clothes
Tossing off your words, Neurosis I chose
A huge vacuum of self loathing consumes all
It was not your words but me I appall

Nothing you say will draw me from my pain
Why do you strive with efforts in vain?
Please don't go, I want you to stay
But I hope in the end I will drive you away

Contradiction of who I am and would be
Violations and neglect circumvent me
Pain is what I feel when I open the door
Shutting you out is a must that I abhor

I have refused to believe that I am choosing
Hope is a fairytale I am fast losing
Passivity croons lullabies to my angry heart
Even though I wish a proactive new start

Can't you see that I'm fast drowning?
In spite of medication that I'm downing?
Get out, just leave, no please hold me close
Another lives inside that I just can't oppose

How can I be something other than me?
When the little one inside won't set me free?
Give me a chance; at least toss me a line
I can't handle your rejection, no I'm fine  -- P J Casselman