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Easter Feaster

Alright, I'll admit it.  My thoughts are bizarre at times.  For example, when we have Easter dinner, does anyone find it strange that it's usually ham we eat?  It's about the first thing I can think of on the "Not Kosher" menu.  Is it intentional?  Did someone say, "Hey, let's eat pork and show the Old Testament folks we don't need their law anymore!" or what?
If you're thinking I mean this as an anti-Semitic rant, you're way off.  Jesus and the disciples were Jewish.  Being a Christian and being anti-Semitic is like loving lasagna and hating pasta.  You can't truly be both.  Sure you could eat no pasta lasagna, but that would mean you weren't eating the real thing.  In other words, a person can't be a genuine Christian and be anti-Semitic.  They can lay claim to it, but they would not be partaking in the real deal.

God is not about hate. God doesn't hate Jews, fags, people of color, foreign people, big people, little people, or even annoying people who post irritating things on Facebook. That's why God put a guy in the endzone at every football game- so we could be reminded that we're loved every time they kick a field goal (John 3:16, right?).

So, when you eat ham this Easter, remember:  A Jew died for you, rose for you, and intercedes for you.  Because he did, you can eat all the pork you want...until it clogs your arteries and you die, but that's another issue.

Remember Your First Lyrics?

Some people have never written lyrics to a song.  I often tell them that writing lyrics is mostly putting down your feelings in poetic form without worrying about the form.  Let it flow.  You can always adjust it later.  I remember the first song I wrote.  It was a tune for a Christian rock band.  Oh man, that was so long ago.  When I look at the words now, I slap my forehead and wonder why I thought I had written a masterpiece.  I suppose it's like the first of anything else.  It grabs hold and give one a sense of great accomplishment, even if the only real success is having completed the first one.  Here are the lyrics:

Superman wasn't bulletproof
The Easter bunny was just a spoof
Seems the magic of kids has come and gone
Now we're left un-convincible
All that stuff seems incredible
Can we believe or is everything a lie?

(chorus)
I believe in miracles
in a world that seems so cynical
I've seen a junkie turned to prayer
A robber turned to praise
The bound have been set free
And evil change their ways
I believe in miracles
I know that God is ever working
I see his glory in the world

My teacher told me that God's a fake
Having faith is a blind mistake
His philosophy means he has to touch
But touching me is what God has done
He was one of us in his Son
And I believe that the truth is all around

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
What's become of your vain philosophy
Full of anger and negativity
God is real and your mind tricks dry
So listen now as I testify

(Chorus)

Yeah, it doesn't all rhyme, I know.  I hope, at least, I got better with a pen!

Spell Check Might Miss These!

Typonese is a language in which I often dabble. Blame it on my brain or fingers, but I just cant' keep from making mistakes. Misspelling words is not the same as making a typo, however, because I meant to type it wrongly. I just didn't know it was wrong. To you avoid purposefully typing the wrong word, here's a list of common spelling mistakes:

Their- Their shoes There- Over there They're- They are
Lose- To lose your wallet Loose- my pants are loose
Your- It's your turn You're - You are
It's- It is Its- Its color (possessive pronouns don't have apostrophes)
Effect- It had a side-effect (noun) Affect- It affected me (verb)
Whether- Whether or not Weather- Today's weather is rainy
Alot- Is not a word (allot is- apportionment) A lot - There's a lot of those (two words)
Then- Then we went home (Used for time) Than- Bigger than that (comparison)

Finally, even though the rule says "i before e, except after c unless it is 'a" as in weigh," there are exceptions and that may be WEIRD, but it's the case.

I'm by no means a grammar nut, so if you misspell when writing to me, I will simply read your meaning and love you just the same. :)

Blogging Something of Value

I was reading a blog that said, "You must give something of value to your readers if you want them to return to your blog."  This simple statement grabbed hold of my mind and put it in a full nelson.  What is "something of value?"  If this was some famous actor's blog, just telling some people about what brand of toilet paper I used would be valuable.
"How amazing, Susan, Johnny Depp uses Charmin too!"
Of course, a religious leader's blog would have some pithy saying on it that you could make your quote for the day.  People like Joyce Meyers or Joel Osteen put out amazing quotes which translate into "God can do it, therefore you can do it."  Those desperately needing a positive affirmation flock to their sites to be told the obvious in new semi-plagiarized ways.  Oh, did Robert Schuller say that?
Financial advice would certainly draw a crowd.  Would you like to know how to make money in real estate?  OK, I'll tell you.  Go to the courthouse and find someone that is about to be foreclosed.  The lis pendens are public knowledge and foreclosure is a lawsuit, so you can get the information easy.  Now you just need to find a rehabber who wants cheap houses.  Get the people who are losing their house to sell for the price the bank will take as a buyout (plus your commission) to the rehabber.  It has to be no more than 60 percent of the fixed-up repaired value of the home.  Yes, the people will get nothing and will have sold you their equity.  Yes, taxes will kill them later, but don't worry.  You'll get yours.  See?  How valuable is that?  I just told you how to mug someone legally.  If you feel bad, see the previous paragraph.
Perhaps I could blog on cooking, that would be valuable.  I can't cook, though.  My recipes are add water and stir.
So finding something of value is not going to be easy.  Until I find it, I will continue putting my thoughts down as best I can and hope that someone enjoys reading them.  In summary: Johnny Depp uses Charmin, you can do it, make money mugging, and just add water.

Candidates Giving Fingers

Let’s cut off some fingers for the good of the country.  “What?” you ask, “are you insane?”  Perhaps, but that’s another issue.  As I listen to presidential hopefuls speak about the country, I want to know two things.  Candidates, here are your questions:

First, what vision do you have for the country?  You are not allowed to use platitudes without specific references.  There are no sound bite moments for you here.  How will this country look if you get your way in the next four years?  What will be different?  What will remain the same?  If you give a single platitude without being able to back it up with a specific plan, we will chop off a finger.  Don’t worry, if you forget, we will remind you, so there will not be any “gotcha” moments.  We are not seeking digits, merely the truth.  Also, you may refer negatively to your opponent's plan in your answer, but if you do not give a solid counter-plan, we take a finger.  Be careful.

Second, what have you done to prove you are the right person for the office of president?  Did you fix something that was broken?  What leadership experience do you have?  Did you ever oversee a project that came to fruition and exceeded expectations?  Can you speak honestly or do you have anything to hide?  

We don’t care if you drank heavily in college or even if you said stupid things twenty years ago that you wished you could take back.  Be real.  If we catch you lying about things, we won’t trust you and must therefore take a finger.  If you tell openly, we will trust you because we are sick of the witch hunts and character assassinations.  We just want a good leader for our country, not a perfect person.  Perhaps your imperfection might even impress us to think you are like us.

OK, with these two simple requirements in mind, let’s begin.  I see that both candidates are more than willing to give us the finger.

Escorts and Elevators

I went to Lawrence Hospital today to visit someone having a procedure. When I asked where it was to be done, a woman near the desk told me it was on the third floor and escorted me up there, since it was on her way. There, another woman told me that the place was on the second floor and she escorted me there.
"Here it is," she said, leaving me near the desk. "Just tell the nurse there."
The nurse told me that the place for that procedure was moved to the first floor, so she escorted me down to the first floor and showed me the waiting room.
"She's already in the room," said the woman behind the desk. "Her family is downstairs in the cafeteria, though. I'm on my way down, so I'll show you the way."
So I trod down the stairs with my escort to the cafeteria and the floor on which I started the trek. Unfortunately, I could not find the family. Back up the stairs I went to the waiting room.
"Did you find them?" asked the woman, sipping her diet soda.
"No, I will just wait here if that's OK." I quickly took a seat before she could call me an escort.